Gay couples live in every county in Virginia, and few places have a larger percentage of gays sharing homes than Fredericksburg.

By JANET MARSHALL
The Free Lance-Star

Date published: 8/15/2001

Gay couples live together in every county and congressional district in Virginia, new census data shows. And few places have a higher percentage of gay couples cohabiting than Fredericksburg.

Statewide, 0.9 percent of couples sharing homes are gay, Census 2000 figures show. In Fredericksburg, 1.2 percent of couples living together are gay--a figure that ranks Fredericksburg 15th out of Virginia's 135 counties and cities.

"These numbers are crucial," said Donald Rallis, a Mary Washington College geography professor who is gay. "If people know there are gay and lesbian people around them, it's less easy for them to be homophobic and discriminate."

Brian Norton, a bartender at Merriman's restaurant in Fredericksburg, said he considers the area--especially downtown--hospitable to gays.

"I'm single now, but at the time I was dating, I felt very comfortable holding hands with my boyfriend," said Norton, 22. "Even in a quaint little tourist town, there's a homosexual crowd."

Gay couples clearly remain a minority in a region, state and nation where households are far more often occupied by married couples. But the data released yesterday provides evidence that gay couples live beyond just metropolitan enclaves.

Gary Steinke and Randy Damren, partners for 19 years, share a home in rural Caroline County, where 42 gay couples reported living together.

"We're surprisingly like any other couple who doesn't have kids," said Steinke, 53, who works for Williams-Sonoma in Richmond. "We go to work, come home, fix dinner, feed the dogs, wash the cars, take care of the lawn."

Gay couples live in every corner of the state, from the suburbs of Washington--where their numbers are highest--to the hills of Appalachia. They share homes in more than 97 percent of Virginia's census tracts (small regions comprised of several neighborhoods).

"When you're young and just coming out, you think you're unique," said Damren, 60, who works in tech services at the Central Rappahannock Regional Library in Fredericksburg. "But we're all over the place. I know gay people who are grandfathers."

Virginia is a conservative state where homosexual sex remains illegal. But Rallis said Fredericksburg, especially in the past decade, has become a more tolerant place.

"When I arrived in Fredericksburg [about 10 years ago], there was no gay and lesbian bar, and there is now," Rallis said, referring to Merriman's. "I think Fredericksburg is becoming more and more enlightened as it becomes more a part of metropolitan Washington."

Every Virginia county has at least four cohabiting gay couples, the census shows. Fairfax County has 2,088--the most in Virginia.

In all, 13,802 gay couples share homes in Virginia; 561 do in the Fredericksburg region.

"I think these numbers are very important, especially for young people who are coming out, so they know they're not alone," Rallis said.

Gay-rights advocates hope the numbers will help them lobby for laws beneficial to gays, such as ones that would give gays access to their partners' health benefits.

Date published: 8/15/2001