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Health problems? A good dose of skunk grease works wonders

Health problems? A good dose of skunk grease will work wonders.

Date published: 10/14/2001

OLD PEOPLE had the perfect remedy for diseases like whooping cough and the croup.

Skunk grease.

When your chest got tight, skunk grease would loosen it up. That's what my grandmother always said. Just take some of this potent remedy and rub it on. Pretty soon you'll be healthy again.

Of course, you won't find skunk grease in most drug stores, but the concoction is simple to make. You just take the fat from several skunks (roadkill will do fine) and boil it into lard.

Before the boiled fat congeals, add about two tablespoons of the glandular secretions of an adult male skunk and stir well.

When the grease cools, you can store it in a jar or a salve can. It lasts for years and only gets better with age.

At the first sign of a cold, croup or whooping cough, rub a generous dose of skunk grease into the skin of the infected person's chest.

This treatment does two things. First, it helps the patient breathe. The skunk smell will penetrate the skin and into the lungs. The old people always said it would open up anything that could be opened up and anyone who has sniffed skunk grease will attest
to this fact.

Second, applying skunk grease to a patient's chest is virtually the same as placing that person in quarantine. Nobody will go near him or her for at least five or six days--maybe longer.

What other remedy can you find that will not only treat the symptoms but place a contagious person in isolation as well?

I have sent all this information to the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta. If I get a positive reply, I am applying for a patent on skunk grease. You might soon see me on late-night TV pitching my aromatic remedy for all that ails a body.

Oh, I think skunk grease prevents baldness, too.

Now for a few baseball notes. With Barry Bonds hitting 73 home runs and Mark McGwire's record lasting only three years, is anything in baseball sacred anymore?

Babe Ruth's record (60) lasted from 1927 until 1961 and Roger Maris' record (61) remained intact from 1961 until 1998. And both seemed unreachable.

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Date published: 10/14/2001