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Nontraditional role keeps dad busy

June 15, 2003 1:07 am

IT WAS THE MIDDLE of a horrendous week, and I was making a rare visit to the office. With a house on the market, two sick kids and a sick husband, my appearances at the office had become sporadic.

The booming voice on my voice mail said, "I'm who you're looking for."

He could only be one of two things: a valium pusher or a personal maid-nanny-chef-masseuse.

The voice belonged to Gerry Bradshaw. He doesn't push drugs, but he does take care of kids, cook dinner and do the laundry. This self-proclaimed "king of coupons" even goes grocery shopping. But not for me.

Bradshaw is a disk jockey nights and weekends and a stay-at-home dad during the week.

Many people pore over their finances and search their hearts before keeping a parent at home. For the Bradshaws, the choice was easy.

"When the babies started coming, we just never gave it a second thought. I just started taking care of them," Bradshaw said.

Bradshaw's hours as a DJ meant that he was home during the day anyway. And his wife, Patty, is a federal employee with a benefits package neither Bradshaw wanted to give up.

When Reilly, the couple's first son, showed up in January 1988, Gerry Bradshaw became a stay-at-home dad and never looked back.

His early days as a stay-at-home dad were filled with formula, diapers and telemarketers. These days, life is much easier for Bradshaw. The three sons he has with Patty (Bradshaw has an older son, Mason, with his first wife) are all out of diapers and in school. And Bradshaw discovered the one tool he says no one who stays at home should be without--call intercept.

"It's the best $5 any stay-at-home person can spend," he said. "The phone used to ring from nine in the morning to nine at night."

For $5 a month, sales calls rarely even make his phone ring.

Alone in the house--except for Brownie, the family dog--Bradshaw devotes the hours the boys are in school to working on his DJ business. That business grew from a weekend hobby that made a little extra cash to a part-time career that nets the same income as a full-time job.

That makes him a little unusual as a stay-at-home dad. He didn't have to worry about lost income or lack of adult interaction. Bradshaw gets both on nights and weekends. The only downside to the plan is that he doesn't get to spend much time with his wife. Patty Bradshaw takes over the parenting duties on weekends, while her husband travels to do weddings and parties.

And Bradshaw travels just about anywhere. He's in demand as a DJ. His walls are lined with framed thanks from celebrities and newlyweds. He keeps a collection of postcards people send from their honeymoons, all thanking him for making their wedding special. He's done weddings in New York, parties for McDonald's at Disney World in Orlando, and a bash for Billy Joel in Miami.

Come Monday morning, he's back getting his kids ready for the bus. After school, there's an array of activities. Reilly, 15, participates in basketball and baseball. Hunter, 13, plays soccer and the alto saxophone. And Parker, 10, plays soccer.

When they're not busy with their activities, the boys--and many of the kids in the neighborhood--can be found hanging out at home with Bradshaw.

The basement of their Spotsylvania home has been transformed into an arcade and sports arena. The boys taped lines for a basketball court and fastened a hoop to the wall. The court also transforms to an indoor soccer field or baseball field. A karaoke machine makes it possible to announce all the great moves the kids make. Arcade games like skeeball and pinball fill up another area of the basement.

The elder Bradshaws would like to finish the basement, but the boys won't allow it.

The back yard features a large trampoline, a fire pit for roasting marshmallows and a creek. It's a place built for kids.

The home itself is beautiful and clean. Many people assume that men can't keep a clean house. An article by James F.X. McLoughlin in "At-Home Dad Handbook" reads: "You should know that housework will become an issue. Male and female cleanliness is as different as male and female anatomy."

But in the Bradshaw household, everyone contributes to the house's care.

Bradshaw said that this usually isn't a problem. The only conflict is that both he and his wife hate sorting socks. With three boys and a father all wearing white socks, the task of matching them up correctly is a daunting one.

In 1988, stay-at-home dads were a rarity. They're becoming much more common.

As more and more dads leave the workforce to care for their children, the Mr. Mom phenomenon will become less of a novelty. Web sites like slowlane .com and athomedad.com already help dads navigate the tricky course of at-home parenting. They also help them to feel less isolated. The Web sites offer advice, humor and recipes. They also offer networking and help stay-at-home dads find other stay-at-home dads in their area.

Bradshaw didn't use the Web sites or their networking groups, though he was featured in an article of At-Home Dad newsletter and will be included in an upcoming book about stay-at-home dads. He feels fortunate because he didn't need support. His career gave him the opportunity to socialize.

Bradshaw understands why other stay-at-home dads would want to get together. He acknowledges that the course is sometimes rough and sometimes lonely. But Bradshaw would encourage other fathers to follow him into full-time fatherhood.

"It's a lot of work but it's a lot of fun, and you've got to do it now while you have the opportunity," Bradshaw said. "It makes you appreciate a housewife a whole heck of a lot more. It's not easy; it's a lot of work. But it's worth it."