Stafford's roofwatch

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C'mon, Stafford, let go of the rooftop-sign prohibition.

Date published: 11/11/2004

WHAT'S GOOD FOR the pig is good for the chili pepper--that's apparently the regulatory philosophy in Stafford County.

The squeals began earlier this year when the owner of the Virginia Barbeque Co. placed a Fiberglas porker atop his eatery near the crossing of State Route 610 and U.S. 1 in Aquia. County regulators alleged that he was, uh, hogging advertising space, pointing out that signs on roofs are forbidden. In a pig's eye! chorused all save a few vegans. Letters to the editor came in by the slop bucket, many godly patriots cursed the name of Her Fastidiousness, Aquia District Supervisor Kandy Hilliard, and local poets devised clever "save the pig" hogg--er, doggerel. Yet though the wee fellow escaped the spit, he eventually did have to set all four hooves on the ground.

Sign issues then receded until recently, when the Chili's chain wished to loft a big red pepper atop its new restaurant off Route 610. Though this time Mrs. Hilliard is blameless, once again some customers who fancy a side of kitsch with their meals are banging on the proverbial table with proverbial forks and proverbial knives, shouting, "What has been attached to a rooftop, let no man (or even genderless bureaucrat) put asunder!"

And though, verily, boneless chicken wings taste no zestier with the addition of an inorganic garden vegetable half the size of the Epcot geosphere, we must join the dissenters. What's the harm, Stafford? Hyper-congested 610 dictates such a slow motoring pace that it's not like a pileup will occur because drivers are mesmerized by a pepper--Sgt., Dr, or Lucky Ned, much less Chili's.

What really causes heartburn is not chili peppers, but officialdom that doesn't know to keep its snout out of innocent commercial affairs. Careful, Stafford, lest ye reap what ye, ah, sow.

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Date published: 11/11/2004