FAMILY MEALS provide more than just nutrition for kids: Studies show family meals are linked to higher grades and lower rates of drug use, depression, suicide and eating disorders in children and adolescents. This may be because families who eat together check in regularly and stay closer, allowing parents to counteract some negative peer pressure.
And family meals can be a time to laugh and to bond. Eating together can be a challenge, though, as parents try to balance work schedules with children's school and extracurricular activities, not to mention taste preferences. But sharing some family meals is critical if you want your child to learn to eat a variety of foods and to learn table manners they will need at school and friends' houses.
Planning saves timeIf you plan, you can avoid desperate, unappetizing meals. You don't have to be an elaborate cook and can even eat out. The point is to have a daily plan of roughly what and where you will eat. Try to pick one meal a day to eat as a family: Usually breakfast or dinner are the easiest.
If you're eating at home, plan a meal that includes at least four to five foods, according to Ellyn Satter, a dietitian and family therapist. She suggests a protein source, two grains or starchy foods, a fruit or vegetable or both, milk, and butter or margarine. For example, grilled chicken for protein, sweet potatoes for a starch, whole wheat bread with margarine for a second starch, a tossed salad with dressing for a vegetable, and milk. You might offer fresh peaches for dessert, or perhaps an apple cobbler, or perhaps no dessert at all.
"Be considerate without catering," Satter writes in her new book, "Your Child's Weight: Helping Without Harming," to be released this May.
Include in the meal at least one food your children have eaten in the past, such as bread, for them to fall back on if they dislike the main dish.
Do feel free to include things your children have disliked in the past--it's the only way they will learn to try new things.
Don't be a short-order cook. Let children and adults choose from what is on the table; don't crack open a can of spaghetti or break out the hot dogs if a child is being picky. A child won't starve from skipping one meal and will likely eat more at the next meal; besides, you did provide milk and some other food that he or she has liked in the past. Being a short-order cook is too much work for you and unintentionally rewards children for being picky.
Be sure to prepare foods that taste good. Younger children in particular need fat for brain development, so do provide butter, margarine or salad dressing.
While junk food should not be included nightly, it's OK to include occasional chips or candy in meals and snacks. If you avoid these foods entirely, they become a temptation, and children may gorge on them at school or friends' houses since they can't get them at home. But if you buy them once in a while, junk foods lose their forbidden glamour.
Parents, not food policeSatter recommends parents not force anyone to eat anything, even vegetables, much less clean their plates.
Forcing can lead to power struggles, in which children refuse to eat even though they're hungry, simply to feel in control. Over weeks and months, if parents stop pressuring children, even picky kids slowly learn to try new foods. And meals are much more pleasant without the fights.
It's also important not to limit portions (except of desserts). Restricting food simply teaches children that they will have to fend for themselves. I've seen 3-year-olds whose parents restricted them; these kids were getting up at 2 a.m. and raiding the refrigerator.
Even if your child is overweight, you should not restrict portions. Instead, provide healthy meals and snacks and encourage your child to eat slowly and to pay attention to feelings of hunger and fullness.
Children can help with mealsGet your children involved with meal preparation. Depending on their age, they may be able to set the table, wash vegetables, pour milk or arrange bread on a platter.
When it's time to eat, turn off the TV. I repeat, turn off the TV. This is the time to catch up with your kids.
For quick meal ideas, see "Family Mealtime: A Menu for Opportunities," from Colorado State at ext.colostate.edu/pubs/columncc/cc000922.html. Also try "Nutriton Nibbles" from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, at fns.usda.gov/tn/resources/nibbles.html.
For parenting and feeding tips, check out Ellyn Satter's Web site, ellynsatter.com. If you can't wait until her new book comes out in May, check your library or bookstore for copies of her classics, "Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense" and "Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family."
JENNIFER MOTL, a registered dietitian, welcomes reader questions. E-mail her by filling out a form at brighteating.com; or write to Nutrition, The Free Lance-Star, 616 Amelia St., Fredericksburg, Va. 22401.