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LOVE BY ANY OTHER NAME GRANDPARENTS ANSWER TO WHATEVER KIDS CALL THEM

September 11, 2005 1:06 am

By CATHY DYSON

They answer when their little ones call--to whatever silly nicknames or muddled pronunciations their grandchildren come up with.

That's how Martha Embrey came to be known as "Hum Hum."

The Fredericksburg woman didn't know what she would be called when the next generation came along, but her first grandchild figured it out for her.

Embrey was shopping one day with her daughter, Sarah Bass, and Sarah's baby, Elizabeth, who was about 18 months old at the time. The women noticed Elizabeth was saying "this little sing-song kind of phrase," Bass said.

Later, they realized she was referring to her grandmother and calling her "Hum Hum."

The name stuck.

All three of Embrey's grandchildren, now grown, picked up on the name, as did many of her friends. "Hum Hum" is on her license plate.

Diane Bruemmer of Caroline County also got labeled with a name that's become part of her personality. Her oldest daughter was dating a man with two children, and the youngsters wanted to call Bruemmer "Grandma."

She thought it might offend the children's relatives and suggested they come up with another name, just for her.

The older girl said, "We'll call you 'Me-Maw,'" Bruemmer recalled.

Those children aren't part of the family anymore, but they started a tradition that remains. Bruemmer's five grandchildren call her "Me-Maw," as do the many young-sters she's watched.

"I've been married for 30 years, and I've had a baby in my home ever since," she said.

And she's not talking about her husband, Wayne.

Across the country, grandparents have almost as many reasons for the names they use as the nicknames themselves, said Katrina Hayday Wester. She founded Grandparents Magazine, an online product based in Wayne, Pa., that gets about 750,000 hits a month, Wester said.

When people discover they're going to be grandparents, they have a lot of questions, she said. Should they pick the name or let the children do it? Or the grandchildren?

Some don't want to feel old and would rather go by a younger-sounding nickname. Is that OK?

Others ask about blended families, and what stepgrandfathers and stepgrandmothers should be called, she said.

"These are just some of the many questions that arise," she wrote in an e-mail. "I probably receive 10 e-mails a day from people who tell me what their nicknames are. They range from 'Grandma' and 'Grandpa' to the more unusual 'GrahamCrackers' or 'PeePaw.'"

Edward Luebkert of Spotsylvania County might have one of the more unconventional ones. He goes by "Bear" because he growls at his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

But not in a grumpy kind of way. He's more like a teddy bear than a grizzly, and he playfully grumbles with his offspring's offspring and their offspring.

Speaking of animals, there was one Oneida Stephens of Fredericksburg did not want to be associated with: "Nanny."

"I might be an old goat," she laughed, but she sure didn't want to be called one.

Stephens has five grandchildren--one by adoption, one by marriage and three by birth--"and they're all special, no matter how you get them," she said.

And, they all call her "Grandma" or "Grandmother."

Some grandparents pick names to distinguish themselves from their own parents--or the child's other set of grandparents.

That's how Cheryl Doden of Orange County came up with Nana, not to be confused with the other grandma, who's "Nanny."

Doden works in the administrative office at Lake of the Woods, and she often talks about her two grandchildren. A co-worker approached her desk as she showed framed 8-by-10 pictures to a stranger.

"You have to tell the dwink story," said Alice Grgas, who's "Grammy" to her three teenage grandchildren.

Seems that Doden's grandson, 31/2-year-old Nicholas, has already been warned about the dangers of drinking and driving. And, he's already had a teensy-weensy sip of beer from his "PaPa."

Nicholas was holding his mother's car keys in the grocery store one day when someone asked if he was going to drive.

The preschooler responded: "No, I can't dwive because I dwink beer."

His mother wanted to hide under the cart.

His Nana and PaPa thought it was hilarious.

But then, grandparents are allowed to stretch the rules a little.

The give-and-take between Dwight Westholt of Lake of the Woods and his two grandchildren is one of his favorite parts of being a grandpa.

Even though 11-year-old Abby calls him a name some might find a little insulting.

"We have more fun together, we kid each other all the time," he said. "When I call or go up there, she'll say, '"The wrinkled one" is here.'

"And my grandson [Chase, 13], he calls me 'the old one.' I tell him I might not be around that long and he'd better treat me right--or I won't leave him anything."

Kidding aside, there's no denying the bond between him and his grandchildren.

"They're neat kids, I love 'em to death," he said.

He's certainly not the only grandparent who feels that way.

One of the first things grandparents talk about with Jeff Shover, who coordinates senior citizen programs in Stafford County, is their grandchildren.

"Absolutely, it's a main focus of a lot of their conversations," he said. "It's something they value more than anything."

Other grandparents at senior centers may have a few wrinkles, but they say they're not like their own grandparents in other ways.

"We're more lively and active," said Sandy Roberts, who was taking a line-dancing class at the Marshall Center in Spotsylvania County last week. "We refuse to grow up. How's that?"

She simply "Grandma" to her 12 grandchildren. (Her daughter has six children. She took the "be-fruitful-and-multiply" advice to heart, her mother said.)

But when Roberts became a mother, she told her children to call their grandparents some unusual names: "Grammy Baby" and "Grampy Kins."

"I'd put my son on my dad's lap and say, 'Give him a hug and call him Grampy Kins,'" Roberts recalled. "That would really butter him up."

Roberts doesn't need any enticement to spend time with her grandchildren, who range in age from 3 to 22.

"I can pick any age group and go have a ball with them," she said. That includes riding roller-coasters "until we drop," she added.

"They are a joy, that's for sure," said Joan deZeeuw, a fellow line-dancer in the class.

Both deZeeuw and Maria Tetenburg, another line-dancer, are Dutch and are "Oma," their homeland's term for grandmother.

One of Tetenburg's grandchildren has two grandmothers and two great-grandmothers. They go by an assortment of names that represent various cultures: "Oma," "Nana," "Grandma" and "Bubski," a variation of "Babka," the Polish word for grandmother.

Tetenburg's granddaughter, who's 12, enjoys telling others the names of her four loved ones. And she realizes what a treasure she has, Tetenburg said.

"My granddaughter says, 'I'm rich, I'm rich to have all these.'"

To reach CATHY DYSON: 540/374-5425 cdyson@freelancestar.com