Everyone has seen Ben Affleck but me

Date published: 9/30/2005

THE BUZZ in Richmond this week was that actor Ben Affleck--known for hits like "Good Will Hunting" as well as abominations like "Gigli"--might be an ideal candidate for Democrats to put up against U.S. Sen. George Allen in next year's election.

Affleck and his pregnant wife, actress Jennifer Garner, are apparently house-hunting in the Charlottesville area, and Affleck is vocal on the national political scene.

Someone took "big-name celebrity," added to it "politically active" and "possible future Virginia resident," and came up with an enticing rumor.

Well, I'm here to tell you it's not going to happen. Not just because Affleck's spokesman reportedly said it's not. And not just because Democrats might be foolish to put up a name that would get Allen even more national press.

No, it's because of me, I'm afraid. I am destined to never see Ben Affleck.

See, last summer I was at the Democratic National Convention in Boston, as was Affleck. He was everywhere, it seemed. The Boston papers reported Ben sightings all over Boston. A reporter friend was in the elevator with him. Someone saw him at a fundraiser. People coming off the convention floor reported he'd just been down there. Even a woman I just met in passing had seen him--he'd been the speaker at her delegation's breakfast.

From the way it sounded, convention-goers couldn't leave their hotels without falling over Affleck.

Thousands of people saw Ben Affleck. I never did even catch a glimpse.

So, I'm sorry to say, I believe this to be a jinx, and it is my destiny to never see Ben Affleck. Sorry to mess it up for the rest of you.

And where was I, you might ask, while Affleck was bopping around the convention hall? Where was I on the last night, when John Kerry accepted the nomination and Affleck was probably in a plush box seat eating bonbons?

I was outside listening to Kerry's speech as delivered by a hand puppet.

And no, that's not a crack at politicians--it was a real, honest-to-goodness puppet.

Date published: 9/30/2005