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Tips on what to do, and not to do, when someone you know loses a loved one

Tips on what to do, and not to do, when someone you know loses a loved one

Date published: 3/26/2006

How to help someone who is grieving

Here are some tips on what to do, and what not to do, when someone close to you has lost a loved one:

Don't try to find the magic words to eliminate the pain.

Don't try to minimize or make the person feel better.

Don't expect the person to reach out to you.

Don't be afraid to say the name of the deceased.

Do help with responsibilities.

Do remind the bereaved to take care of themselves.

For close friends as well as those who aren't as close but want to show they care, here are ways to provide ongoing support:

Every week or two, drop by with something--a book, an offer for lunch, a flower. If you aren't especially close, wait awhile. The bereaved tend to need support from the larger community several months after the death.

Offer to go to the grocery store, or to watch the children.

Be a quiet witness to the pain, or say simply, "I'm so sad for you." You don't have to be eloquent.

--Ingrid Sbacchi Bairstow

Sources: interviews with Brook Noel and Thomas Demaria, as well as Noel's book, "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye."

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Date published: 3/26/2006