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Gary and Margaret Pavela stand at the entrances to the suites where parents of both lived their last years.
The view from one of the two lower-level suites is of lush backyard greenery. Each suite has its own bedroom, bathroom and kitchen.
The Pavelas made sure the rooms had plenty of natural light.
Skylights provide more natural light than most basements get. The skylights are in one of the two lower-level living quarters.
The home of Gary and Margaret Pavela looks not unlike many others One of the basement suites has a handicap-accessible shower. |
By KATE WATERSON
AFTER SPENDING one of Minneso-
Her son, Gary Pavela, had been asking her to move to Virginia to live with him and his family at their new home on Willow Point Drive in Spotsylvania's Lee's Hill.
"I don't want to come unless Margaret agrees," Mae told her son, referring to her daughter-in-law.
Margaret knew just how to appeal to her spirited mother-in-law, and wrote her a letter saying: "It'll be an adventure. I hope you take it."
And what an adventure it turned out to be.
Not only did Margaret's mother-in-law take her up on the offer, but a few years later her own parents moved in, too.
The Pavelas said they wouldn't trade for anything the time they had with their parents before they died.
"Families and children get to know their parents, in a way that they wouldn't otherwise," Gary said of the experience.
At a time when moving elderly parents into retirement facilities is becoming the norm, the Pavelas provided an alternative for their parents by creating two self-contained apartments within their own home.
"Folks have not thought through what can be done," Gary said.
Mae was 87 when she moved in, and lived the final five years of her life in an apartment below the main house.
Her son and daughter-in-law took care to ensure that the apartment be filled with natural light, so that it felt nothing like "living in a basement."
Mae had a gas fireplace in her sitting room, which catered to her greater need for warmth, and her own kitchen and bathroom as well as a beautiful porch overlooking the pond and garden.
Now that they are empty-nesters, the Pavelas are offering their home with the in-law suites to another extended family. They've listed it with David Brewer of Century21 Adventure with an asking price of $498,000.
Margaret's parents arriveThree months before Mae died, Margaret's parents, Chic and Bill Pots, moved in.
The Pavelas' eldest son, Greg, was about to start college at the time, so his downstairs bedroom was extended and converted into a second apartment.
That's how two in-law apartments came to exist in a typical suburban, single-family home in Spotsylvania County.
Bill and Chic had bought into an independent-living community in Florida with the intention of moving to a nursing home there when they were no longer able to cope on their own, said Gary.
When they were both 81, living independently had become difficult both for Chic, who was suffering from memory loss and a lack of energy, and for Bill, who was partially deaf and used a wheelchair.
But the cost of the care they needed exceeded their means.
So Bill and Chic set off on an adventure of their own and moved to Virginia, too. Chic had lived in Virginia earlier in her life.
"I had her for six months, which was wonderful," Margaret said. "I could give her a sense of security and safety in a loving place."
It turned out that Chic's forgetfulness and lack of energy were the result of a tumor in her heart, which doctors in Virginia diagnosed when she first arrived.
Bill remained with the family for another 2 years.
Margaret said she felt that her mother had a sense that "this was it"--her last stop.
"She would sometimes talk about a place she'd lived before. I think she missed having her own house," Margaret said. "But when she lived in Florida, she'd often say she'd like to live in Virginia again before she died. At least she was able to do that."
Refuge for Gary's momMae had been through hard times in her life, which Margaret felt left her strong-willed. After losing her parents at age 9, Mae lived with her older brothers. She was widowed at 50 and her first-born son died at age 32.
Moving in with family was a refuge for Mae, Gary said.
"It became her home," said Margaret. "Gloria made a big difference with that."
Gloria is Gloria Lester, a health-care aide who visited Mae five mornings a week while she lived with the Pavelas.
Margaret refers to Lester as her "angel," calling her a blessing for the family. She would take Mae shopping and cook with her, and had a great deal of medical knowledge.
Gary, who is retiring this year as an administrator at the University of Maryland, and Margaret, a landscape designer, have three sons. Their eldest was an eighth-grader and their twins were in sixth grade when Mae moved in.
"My mother-in-law was much more part of the family because she was here during my kids' school years," Margaret said.
She explains that her sons had less of a relationship with her parents because the boys were "almost grown-up" before Bill and Chic moved in, and Bill's hearing impairment made communicating with him difficult.
For the Pavelas, having their parents living downstairs let them be immediately aware of any health problems that developed.
"I know colleagues that are calling nurses in nursing homes, trying to make decisions regarding their parents," Gary said.
"It's just easier on you if they're right there," Margaret added.
Mae's loss of mobilitySoon after moving to Virginia, Margaret insisted that Mae seek treatment for a foot ailment that she had been trying to hide. The foot had to be amputated.
"My regret is that she became handicapped so quickly," Margaret said. "She was the kind of woman that would have wanted to go to nursing homes and make friends and play bridge, but she was self-conscious about her leg."
Though she didn't leave her home often, Mae managed to find card players in her grandsons.
"She was a big baker, too, she loved to cook," said Margaret, remembering how her sons would often be enticed by her cookies.
"My kids were very close to Mae," she said. "My eldest had a great love for her."
Having her nearby allowed for a more spontaneous relationship, Gary said.
"Kids have such a busy time at school, so being able to just pop down for 15 minutes and chat with her whenever they had a chance was precious," Margaret agreed.
Family members said they never felt intruded upon.
The first thing the Pavelas did once everyone had moved on was purchase long-term-care insurance. They want to be able to have a Gloria of their own if need be.
They said it's hard to imagine living with one of their children, but they have set a good precedent. "We have shown that it is family duty to help when needed," Gary said.
To reach KATE WATERSON:
Email: kwaterson@freelancestar.com
