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SOULFOOD Slow down, savor and stop feeling guilty By Jen Motl For The Free Lance-Star 1.

July 9, 2006 12:50 am

For many folks, the key to managing weight isn't so much figuring out what to eat but how to deal with emotions.

Feeling stressed, bored, sad, excited or even happy leads many women and men to the refrigerator or drive-through, even though they're not hungry.

As the pounds add on, emotional eaters often resort to counting calories. But food plays a less important role than you might think in the 10 keys to overcoming emotional eating.

Health at every size

Strange as it sounds, if you have emotional-eating issues, forget about your weight. Instead, focus on healthy behaviors.

When people focus on their weight, they often feel ashamed or sad, and these emotions can trigger eating binges. So throw out the scale.

Instead of pounds, keep track of healthy behaviors such as being physically active for at least 30 minutes a day.

Heavy people can be fit. In fact, large people who are physically active often have healthier cholesterol and blood pressure than skinny couch potatoes, studies show.

Handle emotions

If you eat when you're not physically hungry, ask yourself what you are really hungry for. It's exciting when people discover that they don't need food to satisfy their emotional hunger for downtime, companionship, meaning, spirituality, security or other needs.

Some folks can work things out on their own, journaling or talking about their feelings with a trusted friend. I also recommend reading "The Tao of Eating: Feeding Your Soul Through Everyday Experiences with Food," by psychologist Linda R. Harper. The book discusses ways to be in tune with your body's needs, and aims to put people on the path to normal, joyful relationships with food.

I also recommend making a list of quick things you can do to soothe yourself when you're feeling vulnerable. My personal list includes bubble baths, deep breathing, talking with my husband, calling friends or family, prayer or meditation, petting my cat and walking along the lakeshore.

Your list will be different. For ideas, visit adm.monash.edu.au/community-services/assets/docs/counselling/selfhelp/nuture.pdf.

If you feel out of control, consider therapy. A therapist can help people deal with painful emotions and worries they've been stuffing down with food. A therapist also can teach tips to cope with stressful relationships, finances, body hatred and other problems. A therapist who specializes in eating disorders may be most helpful, even for people who don't have a full-blown disorder.

You can find therapists through the National Eating Disorders Association, edap.org or 800/931-2237.

3. Learn to say no

I haven't mastered this one yet myself, but I'm making progress. Stress builds when people feel out of control and overburdened. Learning to say no to demands can ease stress and emotional eating tremendously. Many therapists are especially good at assertiveness training.

4. Baby yourself

Everyone knows that babies need to eat at fairly regular times. It seems no self-respecting parent leaves the house without juice and a little bag of Cheerios. Amazingly, some adults don't apply this logic to themselves.

Although I personally don't wail like an infant when I wait too long to eat, I do get stressed and eat too fast and too much. If this sounds familiar, don't wait until you are ravenous. Plan meals or snacks every three to five hours. Act as if you're taking a toddler with you on your errands, and pack a snack for yourself, just in case.

Maybe you've outgrown Cheerios, though, and now prefer a bottle of water or iced tea and a granola bar or a bag of fresh cherries.

5. Make time to eat

Just like we'd never force a child to eat in five minutes, we grown-ups need to stop hurrying our own meals. For most meals, allow at least 20 minutes. Turn off the TV or computer, park the car, put down your reading material or work. Sit down at a table. Just eat.

You'll be more effective in the rest of your day if you take a meal break. And if you eat slowly, you're less likely to overeat and more likely to savor the taste and smell of your food.

Find an activity that's fun for you, and carve out a half-hour for it most days of the week. Walk or bicycle along a waterfront, in a park or in neighborhoods with beautiful flowers. Garden, swim, sled, dance, learn yoga or tai chi. Many public recreation departments offer inexpensive sports for adults like soccer, tennis, basketball, volleyball and even kickball and dodgeball.

Studies show that physical activity can brighten moods and reduce anxiety and depression, thus reducing emotional eating.

Although becoming active may take a big effort for the first few weeks, once you are in the habit you'll feel more energetic during the day and sleep better at night.

It's important to have social support. Ask someone to call or meet you every week and encourage you, not nag or criticize. If you don't have a friend or family member who can do this, a support group may be helpful.

Many therapists and dietitians do weekly check-ins, as well.

Most of the time, choose meals that combine all the food groups: protein, a starch, a fruit or vegetable (or both), calcium and a bit of fat. For example, lunch on a peanut butter and banana sandwich, a carton of lemon yogurt and some baby carrots with French onion dip, and a bottle of water.

The peanut butter is protein, the whole-grain bread is a starch, the bananas and carrots are fruits and vegetables, the yogurt has calcium, and the dip has a bit of fat and extra flavor.

Eating from different food groups, rather than cutting out all fat and carbs, will help you feel full and provide a wide range of nutrients.

Also consider taking a multivitamin-mineral supplement that contains chromium picolinate, which has been shown to help some people avoid carbohydrate cravings.

If you need more specific advice for eating that fits your lifestyle or medical problems, a registered dietitian can help. To find a dietitian nearby, call the American Dietetic Association toll-free at 800/877-1600, ext. 4844, or look online at eatright.org.

Forget all-or-nothing eating plans that eliminate whole food groups like white flour and sugar. Be flexible and allow yourself some foods just for pleasure, no matter what the calories.

Don't wait to eat when you're hungry. Pay attention to your body and respect it by stopping when you are satisfied.

If you eat past the point of fullness, instead of feeling guilty about a "bad day" call it a "learning day" and figure out what you might do differently in the future.

There is always hope, and life is about more than food.

JENNIFER MOTL, a registered dietitian, welcomes reader questions via her Web site, brighteating.com, or mailed to Nutrition, The Free Lance-Star, 616 Amelia St., Fredericksburg, Va. 22401.