I TRY TO have faith in my fellow man (or woman, as the
Apparently, most folks have made it to the 21st century. When I've mentioned my new "job" in passing, no one has so much as raised an eyebrow. Ditto for when I answer the question, "Is your wife going back to work, or staying home with the baby?"
Of course, I'm not the first stay-at-home dad. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates the number of Misters Mom at 143,000, though many father-type Web sites and blogs say the number could be more like a couple million because the Census Bureau defines "stay-at-home dads" as "married fathers with children under 15 years old [who] have remained out of the labor force for more than one year primarily so they can care for the family while their wives work outside the home."
This would then eliminate dads who work from the home--like me--or ones who haven't been doing it for a whole year: again, like me.
I do my work catch-as-catch-can right now, whether that's during Jackson's afternoon naps or, because I'm a night owl, after he and Mommy have gone to sleep.
It's difficult because it's hard to figure out when parenting and normal household chores end, and when "work time" begins. Sometimes the different tasks get muddled together (holding the baby while trying to type an e-mail with one finger, etc.).
My workload, though, isn't nearly as challenging as the pace that's outlined by Jay Massey,
In an article from 1998 on the site, Massey describes how he managed to run a business while serving as primary caregiver for a preschool-age son.
"If it is a school day, we are out of the house by 8:30 and I pick him up at 12:45," Massey writes. "I use those four hours for meetings with clients, business errands and networking. We get home from school, and he goes down for his nap around 1:30. For the next three hours, I can work on the computer, make or return business calls from when I was out When my son wakes up around 4:30, the family time kicks in. When his mommy takes him up to bed, I am back 'on the clock' until about midnight."
Now, I'm not nearly this organized, and other stay-at-home dads may not be, either. But Massey shows how to fit more into a day than many childless folks do. Kinda like that old Army commercial about how soldiers
Massey's site contains information on everything from crafts to do with your kids to connecting with other stay-at-home dads.
You can also find a hilarious essay there from writer Buzz McClain. It contains 10 things you should never say to guys like me, including:
"'What do you do with all your spare time?': No matter the ages and numbers of the kids, the statement is baloney: There is no spare time. Besides seeing to the children's feeding, clothing, bedding, amusement and education, at-home dads typically assume command of household chores, from laundry to kitchen duty to lawn care. And you can't punch
McClain also doesn't like the term "Mr. Mom," but I couldn't care less. If it is, in fact, derogatory, it's one of the few derogatory names I've been called that is appropriate for a family newspaper.
Another site, rebeldad.com, was named out of the same frustration. It differentiates itself from slowlane.com by putting together all of the news out there about us Rebel Dads.
Athomedad.com is the third site I've been looking at since this big change in my life. It's been feat-ured in all sorts of media, and it's run by Peter Baylies, who's been a stay-at-home dad for his two sons for 12 years. He writes the "At-Home Dad Newsletter," which was the basis for "The Stay-at-Home Dad Handbook," published in 2004.
These aren't the only resources available online, of course, but they're a good start for dads at home, or dads wondering what it's like to stay at home. You can bet I'll be checking them out in the days, weeks and months to come.
JONATHAN HUNLEY is a columnist and new dad to a baby boy. E-mail jonathan.
Email: hunley@gmail.com.