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Adoption options Agency is promoting marriage G

November 12, 2006 12:50 am

By KATHLEEN LEWIS

IVING UP a baby for adoption is now called "making an adoption plan."

The wording has changed, but that's not all that is different in this social services niche.

Twenty years ago, most infant adoptions were completely confidential. Birth mothers rarely had contact with the adopting couple. Today, many birth mothers select their baby's adoptive parents, and often receive letters and pictures as the child grows.

Even though the practices have changed to favor more control for birth mothers, fewer women are placing their babies for adoption.

A report from the National Center for Health Statistics shows that 8.7 percent of babies born to unmarried women prior to 1973 were placed for adoption. That number decreased to less than 1 percent in 1995. Also noted in the report was that abortion was not a significant factor in declining adoption rates because abortion rates were also in decline.

Trends after 1995 haven't been published yet, but the consensus is that adoption rates remain low.

"Nationally, half of a percent to 2 percent are making adoption plans," said Joan Richwine, branch director of Bethany Christian Services in Fredericksburg. "They are keeping their babies instead."

This national trend is affecting the way the agency fulfills its mission.

Bethany is a not-for-profit adoption and family services agency with 75 offices in the United States. Last month, the Fredericksburg office celebrated 20 years. While adoption services will remain its mainstay, the agency is adding a new program aimed at making marriage an attractive option for unmarried women who opt to keep their babies.

In October, Bethany received a $500,000 five-year grant from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

The grant will be used to cover the cost of hiring staff and purchasing educational materials for the Healthy Marriage Initiative program in Fredericksburg, Richmond, Charlottesville and an independently licensed agency in Virginia Beach. The new program will start in Fredericksburg and Richmond in January.

Although adding a marriage-promoting program might seem like a bad business move for an adoption agency, Richwine said the additional service doesn't change the agency's mission.

"Not to take away the whole idea of adoption, but because so many women and their partners don't choose adoption, it's another way to give children a two-parent family. Our goal is that we will provide the best things for children."

But Richwine admits there is a right way and a wrong way to do this.

"We're not going to tell a woman to go get married. We want to help them build a healthy marriage."

Women who are still involved with the baby's father will be asked if they would be interested in exploring the possibility of getting married, explained Richwine.

The couple will go through a screening process. They will select trained mentors--married folks from area churches who will offer guidance and support. In addition, the couple will work through "Marriage Savers," a manual that will provide information on things like finances, parenting and healthy relationships.

Richwine said she has received positive responses from pastors about the new program. They have already offered to perform wedding ceremonies.

For women who don't consider marriage an option, Richwine wants to encourage adoption.

Single women have raised healthy children and continue to do so, but, statistically, children do better in a two-parent family, said Richwine.

Women who place their babies for adoption today are not viewed in the way they were 35 years ago.

"In my generation, in the early '60s, if you were pregnant, you got married. If you got pregnant and you weren't going to get married, you were shipped off to your aunt in some other part of the country and the baby was born and placed for adoption, and nobody ever knew," said Richwine.

This was true of white women, but not of black women.

A report from the National Center for Health Statistics indicates that before the early '70s, almost 20 percent of babies born to unmarried white women were relinquished for adoption, while the rate for black women was 1.5 percent.

Placements characterized by secrecy have changed to placements in which birth mothers choose the family and then have varying degrees of contact.

"Birth mothers are in the driver's seat," said Richwine.

"They tell us what they would like to have and then we try and match them up with a family that will meet their desires."

Richwine said the changes originated with birth mothers.

"It's a trust issue. As they have been given more power to make that decision, they feel a lot more comfortable with the decision they've made."

Women who are served by Bethany range in age from 14 to 49, but most are between 18 and 24. Richwine pointed out that many of these women are either in college or starting their careers.

"They have plans and goals for their life, so they are more likely thinking about what they want for their child."

The most frequently requested arrangement by birth moms is to have them choose the parents, meet them and then receive letters and photographs as the child develops.

In Virginia, attorneys could arrange fully open adoptions, but agencies like Bethany were not granted that option until the law changed July 1.

Richwine said she tells the parties involved to proceed with caution in sharing identifying information.

There was a time when Richwine thought that open adoption was the only way to go because it's good for the kids to know their family of origin. But she has changed her thinking through the years.

She realizes that for some birth mothers, making the decision to give up a child is about all they can handle.

"I can't tell anybody how to do this," she said. "It's hard. However they can work it out to get through it, we're here to support them."

Bethany Christian Services has an office in Fredericksburg at 910 Littlepage St., Suite A. Contact the office at 540/373-5165 or visit the Web site at bethanypregnan cycenter.com.

To reach KATHLEEN LEWIS: 540/735-1975
Email: klewis@freelancestar.com