Manly men and the minivan paradigm

There's lots to be said for the man who drives a minivan

Date published: 5/27/2007

AT SOME point in his life, every American male should drive a pickup truck. Maybe he doesn't have to own one--though there's nothing like owning one--but he should at least have the experience of driving down the highway in that most American of vehicles, listening to Hank Williams (original recipe, or Hank Jr., or Hank III) and knowing that all is right with the world, even if you've got a broken heart and a worn-out hound dog.

I own an old pickup truck with more than 200,000 miles on it, and it's the best purchase I ever made--with that engagement ring a very close second. (Just kiddin', darlin'.) But I say all this in order to make myself feel better, for of late I've been spotted driving the minivan.

Driving a minivan is, pretty much, the polar opposite of driving a pickup. There's no toughness in a minivan. You miss the commanding height you get in a pickup; you lose the intimidation factor--basically there's no coolness, whatsoever really, in a minivan.

Even Hank Williams songs lose some of the hurtin' in the mini.

At least, that's how I used to see it. But since I've been driving one lately (the truck is in dire need of an alternator, I think), I've had time to come up with new perspectives on the all-important topic of The Minivan and the American Male.

They say a man is reflected by his wheels. Tough truck means tough customer; muscle car means a ladies' man and respect for America's storied car history; and a regular sedan, perhaps, means practical and thrifty.

So what does a minivan say about a man? In the old thinking, it's that the driver must be hen-pecked, or have zero self-esteem (for if he had any, after all, he'd be driving a truck, right?).

But that assumption is wrong. Truth be told, it takes a True Man to drive a minivan.

For what a male minivan driver signifies, above all else, is a man who has the ability and willingness to shoulder responsibility. And that's what made this country great: doing your duty over following personal whim.

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Date published: 5/27/2007