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Dishing It

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K-Fed makes bank; Nicole does time; Lindsay plays the race card; and Steve Martin takes the plunge

Date published: 8/2/2007

BY BASSEY ETIM-EDET

This week in Hollywood, there's very little "new" gossip. Instead, gossip sites offered a few updates on the usual suspects and their dramas du jour. While I'd like to say that I'm embarrassed to be perpetuating the hype when there's war, world hunger and other serious issues going on, the truth is that I'm not.

SPLIT ME, BABY

First up, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are officially divorced.

So, what did K-Fed weasel away with? Try $15,000 a month in child support and another $20,000 for alimony (which is expected to end in November, due to terms of the pre-nup).

But, most surprisingly, according to TMZ, there will be a 50-50 custody split. It's amazing Britney even got that! Apparently, nearly dropping your baby in public, driving with him on your lap and dressing your kids like morons warrant parental rights. Not to mention the stint in rehab!

These two make Michael Jackson look like "Parent of the Year." Short of harvesting their kids' organs for sale on the black market, I'm curious as to what criteria the state of California uses to deem someone unfit.

Poor Nicole Richie will have to spend four days behind bars while she's unofficially with child. That's what you get for pleading guilty to a DUI these days.

Since four days is much less than Paris' sentence, she's going to have to make the most of her stay if she wants to get an invite from Larry King. She can go on his show and claim she read the entire Bible front-to-back and didn't skip a single pop-up. And when Larry asks for her favorite verse, she can quote "Green Eggs and Ham."

Because Paris' journals were so uninspiring, I'm going to send Nicole a box of crayons, macaroni and glue so she can make pictures for Larry, or she can eat the crayons for a zero-calorie treat. Prison food sucks!

Also, if she really was just pretending to be pregnant in order to get sympathy from the judge, then she needs to work on getting knocked up, because nobody likes a liar.

Date published: 8/2/2007