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Steve Martin took his own 'leap of faith' by marrying a younger woman last week.
Though Britney and K-Fed (seen in a 2004 photo) could handle raising a dog, child-rearing has proven difficult. |
BY BASSEY ETIM-EDET
This week in Hollywood, there's very little "new" gossip. Instead, gossip sites offered a few updates on the usual suspects and their dramas du jour. While I'd like to say that I'm embarrassed to be perpetuating the hype when there's war, world hunger and other serious issues going on, the truth is that I'm not.
SPLIT ME, BABYFirst up, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are officially divorced.
So, what did K-Fed weasel away with? Try $15,000 a month in child support and another $20,000 for alimony (which is expected to end in November, due to terms of the pre-nup).
But, most surprisingly, according to TMZ, there will be a 50-50 custody split. It's amazing Britney even got that! Apparently, nearly dropping your baby in public, driving with him on your lap and dressing your kids like morons warrant parental rights. Not to mention the stint in rehab!
These two make Michael Jackson look like "Parent of the Year." Short of harvesting their kids' organs for sale on the black market, I'm curious as to what criteria the state of California uses to deem someone unfit.
SIMPLE SENTENCE
Poor Nicole Richie will have to spend four days behind bars while she's unofficially with child. That's what you get for pleading guilty to a DUI these days.
Since four days is much less than Paris' sentence, she's going to have to make the most of her stay if she wants to get an invite from Larry King. She can go on his show and claim she read the entire Bible front-to-back and didn't skip a single pop-up. And when Larry asks for her favorite verse, she can quote "Green Eggs and Ham."
Because Paris' journals were so uninspiring, I'm going to send Nicole a box of crayons, macaroni and glue so she can make pictures for Larry, or she can eat the crayons for a zero-calorie treat. Prison food sucks!
Also, if she really was just pretending to be pregnant in order to get sympathy from the judge, then she needs to work on getting knocked up, because nobody likes a liar.
I KNOW WHO FRAMED ME
According to TMZ, Lindsay Lohan is an equal-opportunity finger-pointer.
TMZ interviewed the three guys LL took hostage during her infamous car chase. One of them alleges that she took their car, drove in excess of 100 mph, drove circles around her assistant's car and shouted "I can't get in trouble. I'm a celebrity. I can do whatever the [expletive] I want."
One of the passengers got scared, and LL ran over his foot as he exited the car. Another passenger tried to grab the wheel but she threatened, "If you touch me, I'll sue you."
Finally, when police arrived, one of the passengers alleges that LL stated, "The black kid was driving." Though no one believes a word she says at this point, it will be the very definition of hilarious if it turns out that she, in fact, was not the driver of the vehicle (as her uncle is also claiming).
Regardless, I'll have your story, Lindsay. The "black kid" really was driving. Your fingerprints are on the wheel because you had to hold it while the driver changed clothes. You only followed your assistant's mom to make sure she got home safely. And the drugs in your pocket weren't yours--you think the cop planted it on you because he's prejudiced against redheads. Talk about air-tight alibis!
FATHER OF THE BRIDE?
Congratulations to Steve Martin who, at 61, married his 35-year-old girlfriend, Anne Stringfield, this past Saturday. The couple have been together longer than both of Britney's marriages, and made it official by inviting A-listers like Tom Hanks, Diane Keaton and "Saturday Night Live" producer Lorne Michaels (the best man) to a party.
The party, of course, turned out to be the couple's wedding. Because I happen to like Steve, I won't comment on how he's old enough to be his wife's father--and looks old enough to be her grandfather.
Bassey Etim-Edet is a student at George Mason University.
