Hammering point home so satisfying

If I had a hammer

Date published: 10/26/2007

By Edie Gross

IHAVE a new hero, and her name is Mona Shaw.

Surely you've heard of her. The 75-year-old square-dancing enthusiast from nearby Bristow recently delivered the smackdown heard round the world.

After a week of runarounds from phone and cable provider Comcast--apparently installers failed to show up when scheduled, came two days later but didn't finish the job and then cut off all service shortly after that--the normally mild-mannered Mona marched into the company's Manassas office and clobbered a phone, keyboard and monitor with a hammer, all the while shouting, "Now do I have your attention?"

Now before you criticize my support for her brand of vigilante justice, look me in the eye--go ahead, my mug shot's somewhere on this page--and tell me you've never wanted to do the same thing.

You've never wanted to show the cocky mechanic exactly where he can stuff his $600 "diagnostic fee"?

You've never wanted to give the surly lady behind the airline counter a one-way ticket to drop-kick-ville?

You've never dreamed of giving your health insurance rep a pre-existing condition with a two-by-four?

The difference between Mona Shaw and the rest of us is that while we dream of giving customer service flunkeys exactly what they deserve, Mona delivers with a bang.

I realize that not all of us can be Monas. Something tells me if she weren't a sweet septuagenarian with a fondness for stray dogs, but instead a burly bartender with a fondness for tattoos, the law and court of public opinion might have dealt more harshly with her.

As it is, she earned a $345 fine and a three-month suspended sentence for disorderly conduct--all entirely worth it for the one-of-a-kind endorphin rush that must come from slamming a claw hammer into the keyboard of a rude, dismissive sales associate.

Some of you may not be comfortable with hand tools, and that's perfectly understandable. For you, I recommend good, old-fashioned cursing.

And I recommend this only because some British researchers recently concluded that swearing is good for your health and for those around you.

The team from the University of East Anglia specifically studied swearing at work and found that it boosted morale and solidarity among staff.

Conversely, banning cursing in the workplace raised stress levels and hurt motivation.

I personally never had the urge to swear too much until I entered the work force.

I grew up in a relatively profanity-free home. My parents generally cursed only in traffic or during football games.

They were Miami Dolphins fans, so some years, the profanity was all that got them through the season.

Since becoming gainfully employed, a string of four-letter words has occasionally gotten me through the day, raising my spirits and quelling the urge to throw myself (or someone else) under a moving train.

(As an aside, two of the last three places I've worked had train tracks right outside the office. Almost like Human Resources planned it that way.)

It makes me feel good to know that my rants contributed to the overall well-being of my co-workers.

Just imagine how much good I could do with a hammer.

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Date published: 10/26/2007