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Boyfriend blues

November 25, 2007 12:36 am

GOVERNMENT, most agree, has no business butting into citi- zens' personal lives. Yet few recognize how much individual choices affect families, communities, and, ultimately, the nation. Now experts warn that decisions people are mak- ing about marriage are exposing America's children to an increased risk of abuse.

The Associated Press points out ["Abuse risk to children growing," Nov. 19] that children living with cohabiting adults who aren't both their biological parents are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children raised by two natural parents. Children living in stepfamilies or in single-parent homes are at higher risk for physical and sexual assault than children living with two biological or adoptive parents. And girls whose parents divorce are more likely to be sexually assaulted no matter which parent gains custody.

When children bear the brunt of poor personal decisions, the nation also will. Culturally, cohabitation and having kids outside of marriage have become acceptable. In 2005, notes the Census, more than 4.8 million couples cohabited. Today, a third of all children are born out of wedlock.

Yet children raised in that circumstance are three times as likely to be expelled from school, five times as likely to live in poverty, five times as likely to commit suicide, and 12 times as likely to be incarcerated. The social costs of the decision to have children outside of marriage are enormous.

Although some proclaim that marriage is just a piece of paper, that love is what matters, these Aquarian conceits fail the reality test and look increasingly shabby as the statistics of abuse mount. Love may be as fleeting as a warm summer day; marriage is a commitment, a legal, social, and, many believe, spiritual partnership that, because it is somewhat difficult to dissolve, provides a degree of stability--a virtue when it comes to raising children.

Of particular concern to sociologists is the rising frequency of abusive-boyfriend syndrome. Although privacy concerns complicate assessments of how many of the 500 or so child-abuse deaths that occur each year in America are perpetrated by a live-in para-mour, anecdotal evidence suggests the number is substantial. A British study found that the rate of serious abuse when a mother is cohabiting with a boyfriend who is not the father of her children is 33 times higher than the rate for an intact married family. Without a biological bond, the protective instinct that tempers anger may be weak.

Americans reject the idea of Big Brother monitoring their social lives. Yet the direction of our culture is promoting instability from within. What's the answer? Ideally, better individual decisions. But public policy that promotes marriage and deters cohabitation is a good weapon, too.

Some single parents do an admirable, even heroic, job of raising their kids alone. They deserve support--even applause. But the nation's casual attitude toward marriage is threatening the most vulnerable members of society--those too young to have a say in the situation. Cohabitation isn't just a "choice." It's risky behavior--and reckless when kids are concerned.





Copyright 2009 The Free Lance-Star Publishing Company.