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Hijacked by worry, helped by therapy

Life with obsessive-compulsive disorder is challenging but manageable

Date published: 3/9/2008

IWAS 6 YEARS OLD when I discovered I was different.

My family was stationed in Hawaii, my father smack-dab in the middle of his Marine Corps career. I remember how the humidity stuck to us like a second skin, and how it seemed as if there were more banana trees than there were people.

I was just like every other cow-licked kid who finger-painted his way through childhood. I collected Muscle Men, ate my weight in candy and sat "too close" to the television.

In one night, my life changed.

I remember lying in bed, trying to suppress a strange urge that had welled up in my gut. With each racing thought, the feeling grew stronger and harder to control. After my parents tucked me in, I gave in to the urge and told them I loved them--seven times in a row. That random burst of dialogue was followed by my wishing them happiness for every holiday that existed.

Night after night, my strange behavior broke the innocent silence of the bedroom. What I didn't know was that I was experiencing my first bout with obsessive-compulsive disorder, a disease that, studies say, affects one in 200 children and one in 40 adults.

According to the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation, an international organization that provides support for OCD sufferers, "OCD is a neurological disorder defined by recurrent, unwelcome thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors (compulsions) that OCD sufferers feel driven to perform."

Many researchers believe that OCD is caused by a lack of serotonin in the brain, and some feel that it is genetic, though this is not conclusive.

"We are still trying to understand the role of genes and environment in OCD, as well as identify the brain circuits involved," said Dr. James Leckman, a child psychiatrist and director of research at Yale University School of Medicine.

WISHING FOR A NEW MIND

Growing up, OCD was an impressive, everyday factor. In middle school, I did everything in fours. I checked and re-checked locked doors, I repeated sentences and I put things in their "exact" order. At night, checking for the Bogeyman was a 16-step process.

OCD affects men and women equally, and typically begins during early childhood or adolescence. Common obsessions include fear of acting on violent impulses, disturbing religious and sexual thoughts, contamination fears, and an extreme concern with arrangement, order or symmetry. Common compulsions include excessive washing, counting, checking and hoarding. WEB HELP As an OCD sufferer, I know how hard it is to deal with obsessions and compulsions. That's why I created ocdadvice .com, an education-oriented Web site that lets me share my experiences and promote links to informative sites. My goal is to educate others about OCD and let sufferers know that they're not alone. For other online help, and to take a free screening test, visit ocfoundation.org. Nicholas Addison Thomas is a freelance writer in Fredericksburg who frequently writes book reviews for The Free Lance-Star.

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Date published: 3/9/2008