BY KAREN BOZICEVICH
It's nearly impossible to pick favorites from the countless quirky, addictive poems of Shel Silverstein, master of the ridiculous, the hilarious and the downright bizarre. So instead, here are some Silverstein superlatives, selected from the poems in his books "Falling Up," "A Light in the Attic" and "Where the Sidewalk Ends."
Most Random: "The Bagpipe Who Didn't Say No"
This is the wacky, whimsical tale of a turtle who falls in love with a bagpipe that he finds lying on a beach. He asks it to marry him, and the bagpipe never says no, so he always assumes that its silence is a yes. Obviously, this couple has communication problems.
Most Political: "They've Put a Brassiere on the Camel"
A silly, satirical comment on censorship. Basically, some prudes have put a bra on the camel because her humps were showing, and they found this to be downright indecent. To quote my favorite lines:
They say that she looks more respectable now,
Lord knows what they've got in mind for the cow,
Since they've put a brassiere on the camel.
Punniest: "The Nap Taker"
The tale of a boy who falls asleep and is transported to a land where he is put on trial, not just for taking a nap, but for killing time, beating eggs, whipping cream, shooting basketballs and other such terrible crimes. It makes you feel downright guilty as you go about your violent-sounding everyday activities.
Most Succinct: "The Battle"
This poem is so hilariously short and sweet that I think I'll just quote it:
Would you like to hear
Of the terrible night
When I bravely fought the--
No?
All right.
Most Ironic: "Fear"
The tragic tale of Barnabas Browning, who is so terrified of drowning that he can't bear even to take a bath. He just cowers in his house, sobbing with fear, until the tears fill up the house and he drowns. So what's the moral of this story? Learn how to swim, of course.
Most Useful: "Poison Tester"
This poem provides the perfect excuse for stealing food from other people's plates. It's about a girl who gallantly risks her life by tasting food to make sure that it isn't poisoned, but she ends up eating it all, because, as she says, "The poison could be in the very last bite."
Most Cautionary: Peanut-Butter Sandwich"
The story of a king who is so obsessed with peanut-butter sandwiches that he eats nothing else, and declares that all that his subjects may learn in school is how to make them. But then one day, while he is eating one of his favorite extra-sticky peanut-butter sandwiches, his mouth sticks tight. And the rest is history.
Karen Bozicevich is a senior at Caroline High School.
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