Jessica Alba enjoyed being the 'invisible woman' to the media when she married Cash Warren. Photo by Vince Bucci/Getty Images

'90210' remake draws speculation; Shania splits; Rooster McConaughey's reality show; and Jessica Alba's marriage bait-and-switch

Date published: 5/29/2008

9021 NOOOOO!

Being a teenager in these times is probably harder than in any other generation. How will you know who you are and whether you like yourself without corporate America holding a mirror up to your face?

If only some television producer would come up with an hour-long television show that reflects the everyday lives of average American teens--a show about a group of five to six gorgeous-looking, mostly white, upper-middle-class and filthy-rich teens who navigate the feisty waters of dating, back-stabbing and drinking.

What would they call such an original show? "Dawson's" "O.C." "Gossip Girl" Oh, I know: "90210."

What's that you say? You just took down your Luke Perry posters and packed away your stone-washed denim? Well, the CW network thinks you hate your adult life so much that you'll regress back to 1993 in a heartbeat.

As I reported weeks ago, CW has green-lighted a "90210" spinoff and plans to air the series premiere this fall. However, no one cares about the new cast. What we really want to know is who from the original cast is so broke and D-list that they're willing to reprise their roles.

According to Perez Hilton, both Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth will be accepting recurring roles. Tori will own the hottest boutique in Beverly Hills, and Jennie will be a guidance counselor at the high school. Though there are rumblings of Luke Perry's returning, everyone's aching to know if Shannen Doherty will sharpen her claws for a comeback. It will probably depend on whether the show can afford nut-bag crazy insurance.

NOT STILL THE ONE

Let Shania Twain's busted marriage be a lesson to women everywhere. Marrying up and ugly, then moving to Switzerland, will not secure you a "happily ever after."

Date published: 5/29/2008