|
Warren Burns is in New York for a suicide prevention walk with friend Pam Updike (left) and sister Heather Birch. |
Strangers tell Warren Burns, "I never told anyone this, but my husband killed himself" or "I once attempted suicide."
And the Spotsylvania County man who once couldn't understand the point of therapy now finds strength in sharing stories.
He hopes to find even more power this weekend, as he joins more than 1,000 people in New York City like him--people who have been touched by suicide.
At the annual Out of Darkness Walk, Burns was chosen to light a luminary during opening ceremony representing all spouses of people who've killed themselves. He did so to honor his wife, Beth, who overdosed on pills Jan. 30.
Afterward, Burns, his sister and some friends walked 20 miles through the city to raise awareness of suicide. But he also expected to find support from others who'd been affected by suicide.
Before the walk, he'd already raised more than $5,000 for the cause he feels so passionately about.
"To me, it's not even about the money," Burns said last week. "It's giving me a chance to heal."
That process has been slow, he said, since Beth took her own life.
She was 38, and "amazing, just the best mom in the world," Warren said.
He'd known Beth since they were in their early teens. In seventh grade, his parents let him write on the walls just before they put new paneling up. Burns wrote the name of his new friend and secret crush, Beth McGowan.
They first became best friends and by the middle of high school, they were dating. They graduated from Courtland High School in 1988 and married right after college.
"It's always been the two of us, we've always been together," Burns said.
In all that time, he didn't see any obvious signs that Beth was depressed or suicidal.
Days before she killed herself, Beth and her 7-year-old daughters celebrated the birthday they all share--January 26--and Burns said he "would bet my life suicide was not even on the radar."
But Beth became severely depressed. She overdosed on pills.
After she died, Burns called a grief specialist for advice on what to tell his daughters.
The truth, the specialist said. It's better for them to know now than to find out as teens.
And so he's been open with them ever since. He tells them they can get angry with Mommy and they can cry. But there's a house rule: If one person starts crying, the other two have to come and give a group hug.
Sometimes, the girls do get angry at Beth, Burns said. But he hasn't so far.
He doesn't see suicide as "an easy way out" but as a choice Beth made in the midst of a lot of pain.
He does still grieve often, he said. But getting ready for the Out of the Darkness Walk helped.
The sunset to sunrise walk raises money for suicide research, a suicide film to be shown on college campuses, conferences for survivors, support groups and suicide prevention treatments, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Web site. The national group holds awareness walks throughout the country. Last year, the New York City walk raised nearly $3 million.
As Burns created a Web site for fundraising, stran-gers would contact him and share their stories, of surviving suicide attempts, of grieving for loved ones who killed themselves.
He hopes to one day erase the stigma of mental illness, so people will share their stories more often. Warren said he'd like to see people say "I have depression" as easily as they say "I have cancer." Without shame, he said.
But his true passion, he said, has been for prevention. He's talked with high schools about having suicide prevention events. And he hopes to hold one sometime for the public.
He helped his church, St. George's Episcopal in Fredericksburg, create a workshop on mental illness.
His daughters inspire him to work for suicide prevention, Burns said.
Moms have many firsts with their children, he said. Dates, driving, weddings. And his girls won't get to share their important events with their mother.
"If other little girls or boys don't have to go through that, it would be very, very, very rewarding to know that I helped," he said.
theovernight.orgAmy Flowers Umble:
Email: aumble@freelancestar.com
Experts say the best way to prevent suicide is to recognize the signs: Making comments about suicide or being hopeless, helpless or worthless Worsening depression (deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping or eating) A sudden, unexpected switch from being very sad to being very calm or appearing happy Taking risks that could lead to death Losing interest in things or drop in performance Seeking access to guns or pills Increasing drug or alcohol use Withdrawing from family and friends For help, call the national suicide prevention hot line at 800/273-8255. |
|
Virginia ranks 33rd in number of suicides. With 866 suicides in 2005, the state had a suicide rate of 11 percent. In the United States, somebody attempts suicide about once a minute. More than 32,000 Americans die by suicide each year. Suicide is the 11th-leading cause of death. It is the fourth-leading cause of death among adults ages Every day, about 80 Americans take their own lives, and 1,500 more attempt to. Guns are used in more suicides than homicides. They account for 52 percent of all suicides. Women attempt suicide twice as often as men. Men kill themselves almost four times as often as women. --American Foundation |
