-

-

Web site and other resources lend support for teens and others in abusive relationships

Date published: 7/15/2008

BY TRICIA CALLAHAN

Abuse is easy to ignore. It lurks in the hallways, homes and hearts of millions of people. It can affect anyone of any creed at any age.

LoveIsRespect.org recognizes this problem. The Web site allows peers to help one another recognize an abusive situation. Signs of such a situation include isolation of friends or family, constant insults, forceful sexual acts and physical battery, among other things.

The site, operated by the National Domestic Violence Hotline, provides one-on-one anonymous support from trained peer advocates. People can contact the hotline if they're in an abusive relationship or know someone who is.

"I've talked to a lot of teens who tell me they don't feel comfortable talking to their parents or even, sometimes, their own friends," said one peer advocate, "Carol."

Carol was able to offer many tips for young women. She said that the first sign of abuse is being isolated by one's partner. In her experience, her partner would monitor her contact with family and friends. According to Carol, isolation is "the sign that either they are emotionally controlling you, or that it is going to escalate to physical abuse."

She also mentioned some of the smaller signs that a relationship is going down the wrong path: a partner taunting or making mean gestures or comments; wanting to hang out with you in solely non-group settings; looking and acting differently than when you first met; blaming you for the misfortunes in their lives and accusing you of being unfaithful.

When asked what she would say to a young person noticing these behaviors in their partner, Carol replied that "allowing these behaviors to continue will only allow them to escalate to something much more difficult to control."

Helping people to gain control is the job of the local Potomac Hospital's Project RADAR Program. The acronym stands for Routinely inquire, Ask direct questions, Document findings, Assess safety, and Review options and referrals. This is the policy that has been set into place at many health facilities in order to promote assessment and prevent intimate partner violence, also known as IPV.

Women ages 14 and older who visit the Potomac Hospital for various reasons will be asked two questions regarding Project RADAR: "Do you feel controlled by or afraid of your partner?" and "Are you in a relationship with a person who physically threatens you or has forced you to have sex?"

If you are in doubt about whether you and your significant other have a healthy relationship, and are not comfortable approaching someone you are close to, then LoveIsRespect and numerous other online sources can offer you information to ensure your safety. If you are experiencing abuse, know that avoiding the situation will not make it better.

Tricia Callahan is a student at the University of Mary Washington.

To always be treated with respect. In a respectful relationship, you should be treated as an equal. To be in a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is not controlling, manipulative or jealous. A healthy relationship involves honesty, trust and communication. Not to be hurt physically or emotionally. You should feel safe in your relationship at all times. Abuse is never deserved and is never your fault. Conflicts should be resolved in a peaceful and rational way. To refuse sex or affection at any time. A healthy relationship involves making consensual sexual decisions. You have the right not to have sex. Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason. To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend. Spending time by yourself, with male or female friends, or with family is normal and healthy. To end a relationship. Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect. Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally or emotionally. Respect my girlfriend's or boyfriend's decisions concerning sex and affection. Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship. Accept responsibility for myself and my actions. --LoveIsRespect.org

Date published: 7/15/2008