The Rev. answers his congregation's questions about life, love and morality

Date published: 9/4/2008

Dear Rev. Kyle,

I'm permanently late and all my friends have resorted to telling me earlier times so I actually get there on time. Help!

I feel as though I should help you by first analyzing why you are late to begin with. Do you fail to give yourself time to prepare to go out? Or maybe you just don't like being on time? Why is this? Do you not want to succeed at life? Are you mad at your friends and don't want to see them?

These are the questions you must ask yourself when you arrive late. Or simply realize that your friends are lying to you about the time in the first place.

Dear Rev. Kyle,

Nobody will talk to me. Ever. Help, please!

I'm extremely sorry to hear of your woes. I have to start off by asking a simple question--why is it that you wait for others to talk to you when you could be the one starting the conversations?

If this strategy does not work, then there are a few easy troubleshoots you can ask yourself. Am I talking to someone who is unable to talk back (i.e. someone who is eating, hearing-impaired, listening to music or who has his mouth wired shut)? Debate whether it is you who is not talking to others and not the other way around.

Dear Reverend,

I am a lowly staff writer at a youth publication who is always being chastised by his editor for not being perfect. How can I be perfect like you?

Unfortunately, you will never get quite as close to perfection as I have--but, regardless, I would approach the situation in a calm manner. You should wait for your editor to chastise you again and then seize the opportunity to ask him why he strives so hard for perfection. After he answers, you should tell him that "nobody is perfect" and that "we all have cracks."

Also, think of what you cherish more--your respect or your employment.

Dear Rev. Kyle,

All three of my girlfriends broke up with me. Why?

Date published: 9/4/2008