Sex, wives and tales of chats with cats

Sex every other day will keep the undertaker away, and other oddities of life

Date published: 11/21/2008

TIMING in the uni- verse is occasion- ally off just a bit.

Last week, a report came out stating that people who have sex at least 200 times a year live an average of 61/2 years longer.

The previous week, voters in San Francisco rejected a proposal that would have legalized prostitution.

Do you think somebody delayed releasing that report for a week?

Of course, there are all kinds of stories related to this report going around.

One man told me that after he read the news story he immediately called the police.

"I now have evidence that my wife has been trying to kill me for the past 40 years," he said with a sly grin.

I heard another good husband story the other day.

A guy told me that his wife fussed so much about him not helping clean the house that he began to do the vacuuming.

Then she nagged him about not doing the dishes, so he started doing the dishes.

Soon it was laundry that became the wife's pet peeve, so he learned to use the washer and dryer.

Finally, the lady of the house wanted her husband to start cooking, so he learned to do that.

"One day I started thinking: If I can do all the housework, what do I need with a wife?" he said.

"So I got a divorce, and I'm happier than I have ever been!" he added.

Girls, be careful what you create.

A CHAT WITH A CAT

The other day, I saw one of those lost-animal posters nailed to a signpost.

"Lost: Black and white cat. Friendly. Answers to the name of Charlie."

Have you ever heard a cat or a dog answer when the animal's name is spoken?

I haven't. And I would be really shocked if I walked up to a cat, said "Charlie?" and got a reply: "Yes. My name is Charlie. What is your name and how are you doing today?"

Cats and dogs don't answer. They may respond with a meow or a bark, but they don't answer.

But if I had an animal that did, I sure wouldn't let it out of my sight. Can you imagine how much a talking cat would be worth?

Of course, cats are so contrary that if one could talk he wouldn't--just for spite--if you wanted to show him off.

Follow us on

Date published: 11/21/2008

Most recent reader comments: