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Raising kids in a rocky economy requires talk

Area parenting experts offer advice on the raising kids in a rocky economy

See an interactive calendar of summer family activities at the bottom of this page

BY AMY FLOWERS UMBLE

Date published: 6/16/2009

By Flowers Umble

BY AMY FLOWERS UMBLE

OK, parents, you can stop spelling out R-E-C-E-S-S-I-O-N every time your preschooler enters the room.

Your children have overheard snippets of news reports, hushed conversations and calls from creditors.

They know something is up.

And they're blaming themselves.

So, keeping mum to protect your child is backfiring, Fredericksburg-area parenting specialists say.

"Children usually do better when they hear the truth," said Mary Holloway, a parenting training specialist with Spotsylvania County's Department of Social Services.

She and other parent trainers advise talking with children and giving them the opportunity to help. Ask for suggestions on ways to cut back. Involve them in family decisions.

Children will feel better, and so will parents who won't need to put on a facade.

Keep the conversation age-appropriate but honest, said Jan Campbell, who trains foster parents for Spotsylvania.

And use the lingering recession as an excuse to teach skills such as saving, waiting and helping others, Holloway said.

"In general, our society has tended to become more overly indulgent with our children," she said. "I don't want to trivialize the pain of the economy, but we can look at this situation as a glass half-full and use it to teach delayed gratification and that hard work has benefits."

Also, child-welfare advocates emphasize that now, more than ever, parents need to watch their own stress levels.

This is not a time to over-indulge, Campbell said. Parents should not drink or eat excessively. They should also eat well, exercise and attend support groups if needed.

And go after help as soon as they need it, instead of letting past-due bills pile up.

And take some time to have fun.

Julie Rivnak-McAdam of the Rappahannock Area Council on Children and Parents said that just doing one cheap, fun activity daily could keep parents from becoming abusive under stress.

Spotsylvania's parent trainers also suggest reaching out to help others. They said families should check out volunteer opportunities at the homeless shelter or food bank.

Or just bake cookies for a neighbor.

"It's so hard to step out of that box, when you feel like your world is crashing down around you," Holloway said.

"But it's such a feel-good activity," said parent trainer Marilyn Balog. "It can pick you up."

Amy Flowers Umble: 540/735-1973
Email: aumble@freelancestar.com

Area parent trainers and the American Academy of Pediatrics offer these tips for parenting during tough economic times: Take care of yourself. Remember that children depend on the adults around them to feel secure. Reduce stress, exercise, eat healthfully. Also, reach out to community services as soon as you need help. Limit TV and media. When children overhear reports of job losses and homeless families, it can scare them. Limit exposure. And when they do hear reports, talk to them about what they heard. Choose your words carefully. Be honest, but statements such as "We just lost your college savings" can be scary. If things get to the point where you might lose your home, wait before telling your children. Talk with them after you develop a plan. Kids have active imaginations and can picture living on the streets. Be sensitive to each child's needs. Talk to your kids at age-appropriate levels. Use simple, brief information for younger children and those with developmental disabilities. Plan family meetings. Such gatherings can increase communication and cooperation. Have fun. Hold family game nights, go for walks, visit area museums. For more ideas, visit fredericksburg.com for our interactive calendar of fun, cheap family ideas for the summer. Building a support system is vital to parenting in stressful times, experts say. The following agencies offering parenting classes can help: Fredericksburg Department of Social Services: 540/372-1032, ext. 253 Spotsylvania County Department of Social Services: 507-7845 Stafford County Department of Social Services: 540/658-8720 Rappahannock Area Council on Children and Parents: 540/785-6217

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Date published: 6/16/2009