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When I think of

The only way to get through summer is with a good varnish

Date published: 8/7/2009

By Edie Gross

THE DAILY bastings begin sometime in May, when summer's blistering heat bullies its way into the last weeks of spring.

I rummage under the bathroom sink for the tube of sunblock that was unceremoniously tossed there after last summer's beach trip.

And the aloe for when the sunblock fails.

And the extra-strength bug spray.

And the anti-itch cream for when the bug spray fails.

And the Tecnu to wash off poison-ivy oils.

And the calamine lotion for when the Tecnu wash fails.

As a result, my skin emits a lovely bouquet of DEET, Bacitracin and piña colada for most of the summer.

As sunscreens go, I lean toward the kind with the most superlatives on the packaging: Waterproof. Ultra sweatproof. Hypoallergenic. Noncomedogenic--I think that means it's not funny.

The so-called nongreasy kind is never as nongreasy as advertised, so a day spent slathered in sunscreen is usually followed by a night spent slathered in acne-fighting salicylic acid.

I tend to buy the strongest sunscreen I can find, fantasizing that my imaginary epidermis army can more easily slay the enemy UV forces if armed with SPF 80.

I feel the same way about DEET. The higher the concentration the better.

I might grow a third head, but that head will be well-protected against bloodsucking mosquitoes.

Inevitably, my topical cocktail fails, usually due to user error. I won't apply enough bug spray. I'll forget to varnish my ears or the tops of my sandaled feet with Coppertone.

Thankfully, a host of ointments, balms and creams exist to salvage what's left of my sunburned, bug-abused, rash-covered self.

I stock up on Lanacaine, Solarcaine, Lidocaine, novocaine--every class of -caine, really--to relieve the itching and burning brought on by summer's ills.

I slather up--and wait until fall, when I can feel comfortable in my own skin again.

Edie Gross: 540/374-5428
Email: egross@freelancestar.com

Ah, summer. It's delicious--and fleeting. We're celebrating it today and on upcoming Fridays by sharing what it means to us.

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Date published: 8/7/2009