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Caring for caregivers of disabled

Event aims to help parents of kids with disabilities deal with stress

BY AMY FLOWERS UMBLE

Date published: 10/14/2009

By Flowers Umble

BY AMY FLOWERS UMBLE

Insurance companies. School meetings. Tantrums in public. Rude strangers. Lack of sleep.

Ask the mother of a disabled child what stresses her the most, and she'll probably just laugh.

After all, how do you choose which is worst: the four-hour conversation with the insurance company trying to prove your child actually needs a specialist, the six-month wait for that specialist or the two-hour drive for the visit?

Which raises the blood pressure more: a screaming child at the grocery store? Or the woman in line who tells you, "That kid just needs a good spanking?"

Recently, more than a dozen parents of children with disabilities spoke with The Free Lance-Star about the stress they face.

"I didn't dream of the perfect world and a white picket fence and perfect kids," said Rachel Myers of Spotsylvania, whose 12-year-old son has bipolar disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. "But I didn't have any idea that it could be like this."

This Saturday, the disAbility Resource Center will offer a workshop on reducing stress for caregivers. A grant from the Youth in Philanthropy group will pay for the event.

"It will give parents some insight into where the stress comes from and how to deal with it," said Kim Lett, a transition specialist at the center in Fredericksburg.

The event will feature a talk from a University of Mary Washington psychology professor, brunch and an exercise class.

Unita Walburn has the workshop on her calendar. Like many moms, she plans to come--if she can find a babysitter. They're in short supply for her 4-year-old daughter, Marybeth.

The preschooler has autism and needs someone to keep a close eye on her. Turn away for even a second, and Marybeth will jump from the windowsills.

"I don't know the adjectives to describe what moms of autism go through," Walburn said. "Every day, we get a workout, our backs hurt, our heads hurt and we are stressed."

In addition to the stress of caring for a child with "a lot of energy," Walburn finds the financial aspects challenging.

The Spotsylvania resident spends hours at a time on the phone with the insurance company. And most of her family's income goes toward medical bills.

WORRIED THAT THE DEMANDS OF CAREGIVING ARE IMPACTING YOUR HEALTH? Signs include: sleeping too much or too little, gaining or losing weight, feeling tired most of the time, often feeling sad, frequent headaches or body aches, abusing drugs or alcohol. Some tips to relieve stress include: Eat a healthy diet rich in fruits and vegetables, try to get enough sleep, exercise, get regular checkups, find support groups, find respite care, pray, keep a journal, yoga and attend marriage counseling sessions. WHAT: Stress Management for Parents and Caregivers of People with Disabilities WHEN: Saturday, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. WHERE: disAbility Resource Center, 409 Progress St., Fredericksburg DETAILS: Event will feature Virginia Mackintosh, psychology professor at University of Mary Washington and Tennie Gratz, certified fitness specialist; brunch; and relaxation techniques CONTACT: Brenda Wickard or Kim Lett, 540/373-2559, by today.

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Date published: 10/14/2009