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Fetch a fancy name to even playing field

What's in a name?

Date published: 2/26/2010

By Edie Gross

H ER STREET name is Sadie. But among the canine elite, the Scottish terrier who won last week's Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is known as Roundtown Mercedes of Maryscot.

You have to say that in sort of a nasally British accent to get the full effect.

In any case, I'm thrilled for Sadie, who overcame an embarrassing potty accident in the ring last year to win this year's title.

But her creative legal name--and that of her fellow competitors--makes my husband and me feel a bit inadequate about our own dog-naming skills.

We named our border collie The Bunk after a TV character we liked. And my beagle's name, Nocci, is short for Nocciola, my favorite flavor of gelato.

Those names are just fine around the neighborhood. But neither invokes the regal majesty or stately air of the competitors at Westminster, purebred canines with names like Chidley Willum The Conqueror and Wendessa Crown Prince.

Granted, our dogs aren't champions--unless of course Westminster finally agrees to add garbage toppling and ham-napping to its competition, at which point only a fool would bet against The Bunk and Nocci.

But in the meantime, I wonder if we've handicapped our dogs by giving them such mundane names. What might be denied them as a result?

When the airlines are looking to bump someone up to first class, will The Bunk be passed over for the likes of Rijaro's Wynd Swept Fantasy?

When there's only one room left at The Ritz, will Nocci lose out to J'Cobe Kemosabe Vigilante Justice?

And what about your own dogs? Rex, Rover, Lil' Bit and Nugget? What injustices await them for lack of a fancy name?

The only way to even the playing field is to create a system that allows any dog to adopt a more aristocratic-sounding name.

That's harder than it sounds. Dogs like Roundtown Mercedes of Maryscot get their names through a complicated process that takes into account their ancestral heritage, prep school education and unparalleled willpower when it comes to resisting the urge to snack out of the cat litter box.

The rest of us have to improvise. For legitimacy's sake, I propose a system modeled on the seven groups of dogs eligible to compete at Westminster: terrier, working, toy, sporting, nonsporting, hound and herding. Mixed breeds, by virtue of their superior stock, can choose whatever category most speaks to them.

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Date published: 2/26/2010