Years ago--before Volvo introduced its sleek new hatchback, before "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" became a franchise--another Swedish import reached our shores, one that has continued to be unsurpassed in popularity up to the present day. Sorry, ABBA fans, we're talking about IKEA, the world's biggest furniture retailer.

IKEA, as everyone knows, is an acronym that translates as: "It's not particle physics, stupid. It's particle board!" Look, I love IKEA. I'm just not sure I love it the way I did 30 years ago. Back then I'd wander its showroom--actually more of a theme park celebrating the IKEA experience, an experience anyone can install at home with the handy L-shaped wrench and cryptic instructions provided--and think: "Whoa! I could own a room that looks just like that one!" Who was I kidding? My room was never going to look like the model. Not in a million years!

Even though IKEA's merchandise features names as easy to pronounce as the ones on a National Hockey League roster, Americans can't get enough of the affordable, ready-to-assemble home decor.

Actually, the products are all named after Norse gods. That's right! There's Ektorp ("Protector of Flatscreens") and Poäng ("Repository of Backsides"), and the one my wife has had her eye on, Hemnes ("Guardian of Bygone Best-sellers").

IKEA is such a big draw that the local Woodbridge store even has its own three-lane feeder road--Interstate 95--to handle the inevitable traffic tie-ups. One thing that makes it a favored destination--besides the incredibly addictive Swedish meatball platter in the cafeteria--is the store's habit of making many of its most popular items unavailable online--for example the halogen bulbs that prompted our most recent Sunday pilgrimage. (I know! What were we thinking, shopping at IKEA on the weekend?!)

Needless to say, we weren't prepared for the teeming throng of IKEA patrons, not to mention their extended families, we would encounter. And that was while we were trying to find parking in the garage!

A sign at the top of the escalator read: "If shopping makes you hungry " (Hey, everything makes me hungry!) Taking the bait, we decamped for the restaurant, an island of calm compared with the rest of the store and the place where the nation of Sweden dumps its surplus of lingonberries. You think I'm kidding? They've even got lingonberry soda pop! (Think carbonated cranberry juice.)