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WOULDN'T YOU know it! Only a week after I predicted the mildest winter in a decade, a group of scientists is now saying that this might be the worst winter
The culprit is global warming, that environmental phenomenon that just keeps rearing its ugly head.
Because of global warming, the scientists concluded in a media story last week, the ice in the Arctic
This summer, the melt was the greatest on record --we've been keeping such records for only 50 or so years, and the Earth has been around for 4.5 billion years. That loss of Arctic sea ice could lead to a cold and snowy winter, scientists say.
One would think just the opposite would be true. If the Earth is warming, the winters should be milder. Not so, say scientists--at least some of them. The warmer the Earth gets, the more cold and snow there will be.
Hey, guys! You lost me there. Warmer weather will bring more cold and snow? Just how does that work?
Over the years, I have been a careful observer of nature and I have always found that snow melts when it gets warm. Remember those blizzards in the winter of 2010-11? All that snow melted when warmer weather arrived. That's a fact and I have a snowless front yard to prove it.
Now, I can understand the possibility of us all floating away if it gets really warm and the polar ice caps melt, but I can't understand the human race getting buried under a mile of snow that falls because the Earth is getting hotter.
This "global-warming-creates-more-snow" theory is nothing new, of course. Remember that movie "The Day after Tomorrow," where the East Coast of the United States is experiencing an ice age because of global warming?
Scientists have come up with several different theories as to why warmer temperatures will lead to more cold. Some say it has to do with the Gulf Stream and other ocean currents changing because the ice melt is causing seawater to become less salty.
Others contend that the Arctic ice melt will change the dynamics of the jet stream and cause greater troughs to develop.
To me, neither one of these theories have ever made much sense, so I decided to do some studying on the matter. And, after careful consideration, I think I have found the answer--Big Oil must be behind all this.
My theory is that the major oil companies are up there at the North Pole with blowtorches melting all that ice. When the resulting water vapor rises, a big old machine turns it into snow, which is then stored in large tanks until winter.
Then that snow is injected into the jet stream, which sends it south and causes a snowy winter in the United States.
Why would big oil do this? The reasons are twofold. First, we need more oil to heat our homes and businesses during cold winters. Second, once they get rid of the ice at the North Pole, the oil companies can drill down into the seabed and find more oil.
That way the oil companies make profits coming and going. Nifty!
In other words, it is all a big conspiracy with the rich Republicans covering up because they own stock in the oil companies and the Democrats hoping that profits from the venture will generate enough taxes to lower President Obama's federal budget deficit.
What? You don't like my theory? You don't think it is plausible?
Well, it makes as much sense as those stories about global warming causing cold, snowy winters.
Well, gotta go now. I'm heading off to take a hot bath so I can cool off.
I think this is called "new science."