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AFEW WEEKS AGO, I moved to a new desk at the office.
I'd been at my old cubicle for approximately six years, which means I hadn't cleaned that cubicle in approximately six years.
I thought about just torching the place and starting anew, but HR frowns on that.
So I pulled the necessary permits and launched a full-scale excavation, figuring anything I found that wasn't needed in my new workspace could be passed off as a Christmas gift.
I was hoping to find a long-lost Monet
I keep dog treats on my desk at all times for two reasons. One, you never know when a dog will stop by to lift your spirits, and while dogs enjoy a good belly rub, what they really want is imitation bacon and you'd better deliver. Two, sometimes the candy jar on my desk runs dry, and a bag of Beggin' Strips buys me a day or two to refill it before the masses launch a full-scale rebellion.
I found the original box of business cards I received upon coming to work for the Free Lance-Star 11 years ago. It's in mint condition and still nearly full. This is because every single day, almost without exception, I have forgotten to actually take the cards with me when I've left the office (probably because they were buried beneath the dog treats). If you need business cards and you're not picky about whose contact information is on them, I can offer you a great deal.
This book arrived in the mail last year before promptly being buried beneath a stack of notebooks. It's about a cat that lives in Japan and, from what I can gather, likes to squeeze itself into tight spaces--like cardboard boxes, grocery bags and tube socks--and then poke its excruciatingly adorable head out of a tiny opening while someone takes a photo. This skill has earned Maru nearly 93,000 "likes" on Facebook. I'm clearly in the wrong line of work.