JALISCO, Mexico--

What was the point? We suffered years of blather from unqualified charlatans who regard the public as ignorant hamsters of low caste, and what do we get? One of the same unqualified charlatans. We could have done it without an election. Think of the peace and quiet.

This deplorable practice--holding elections, I mean--is thought to be fraught with consequences. For example, I am told that the defeat of Mitt Romney signals the end of rule by Angry Old White Men. I hope so. I enjoy living in the Third World, and soon Americans will be able to do so from the comfort of their own home.

To me, Romney's candidacy signaled the Republicans' admirable capacity to do the impossible: Find an aspirant even more depressing than Barack Obama. But they managed. It was a triumph of the human spirit. Never underestimate American ingenuity.

How was this result achieved? Romney asserted that Russia is America's most perilous adversary, wanted to deal fiercely with China, asserted the nonexistence of Palestinians, pledged his undying troth to Israel (America presumably would be a second wife), wanted to attack Iran, and thinks we need to increase the military budget.

Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.

Were the Chinese paying him off? If you want to bring the United States down, keep it spending. On anything. On everything. Does nobody understand this?

Conservatives think that Reagan the Baffled won a great victory over the Soviet Onion by spending it into penury. Gr-r-r. Woof. But in the great sweep of things, what he did was to increase military spending. The Russians didn't matter: The Pentagon quickly found another financial pretext in Terrorism after the budgetary godsend in New York. Subsequent presidents continued the trend. From a Chinese point of view, it is wonderful. They build their economy while we assassinate ours. They don't need a military. Ours is doing the job for them.

THREE FOR A QUARTER

The trick is to keep America's wars going as long and inconclusively as possible until the Land of the Free ends up selling pencils on street corners. I figure Beijing pays the White House under the table.