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Imagine the horror of a world without Twinkies
A world without Twinkies would be a true crisis

 The much-loved Hostess snack will likely survive even if its maker doesn't.
MARK LENNIHAN/ASSOCIATED PRESS
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Date published: 11/24/2012

HOW WILL civiliza- tion carry on without Twinkies?

Despite war in Israel, flood devastation in New Jersey and a fiscal cliff just down the highway, the biggest story this week concerned the fact that Hostess may be going out of business.

Hostess, of course, is the company that makes Twinkies, those yellow cream-filled snack cakes that have fit snugly into American lunch boxes since 1930.

We are such a sugar-crazed nation that all the stories written about Hostess' bankruptcy ordeal have failed to mention that the company also makes Wonder Bread--you know, that brand with all the colored balloons on the wrapper.

Nope. We can live without bread, but we won't survive without Twinkies and the other snacks that Hostess makes.

The situation is so desperate that on Monday a judge failed to allow the bankruptcy and liquidation proceedings to move forward until mediation sessions were held. Those sessions, between Hostess and the striking union workers who have created the crisis, were held Tuesday, but broke down that very night.

Now there is talk that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will be asked to come back from Israel and help broker a peace between Hostess and the union. Twinkies must be saved, no matter what the cost.

The Hostess story was so big that it even pushed ousted CIA Director Gen. David Petraeus' sex scandal from the front pages of big-city newspapers. Now there are rumors that the two national crises may be related.

Remember those emails that the FBI found on Paula Broadwell's computer, the ones that had to do with government secrets and national security?

According to some sources, those emails hint there may never have been a sex scandal, that, in fact, Broadwell may have been an undercover (pardon the pun) agent working with Petraeus to find a solution to the Hostess crisis before it exploded.

Should these rumors prove true and Hostess is saved, Broadwell's status may one day be revised from mistress to national hero.

Other sources say that Homeland Security has not ruled out the possibility that the Hostess crisis is terrorist-related. After all, it did come to a head while Clinton and President Obama were out of the country.

Santa Claus is even questioning the timing of the crisis, wondering why "Ho Hos" are being threatened during the Christmas season.


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