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If you're reading this, the world didn't end
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The History Channel has got to hope the world ends today. If it doesn't, those guys will have nothing to show but reruns of Pawn Stars. They have made a living with this end-of-the-world stuff for the past five years.
What about poor old Nostradamus? If the world doesn't end today, no one will have faith in his predictions anymore. And that Mayan calendar will just get tossed in the trash.
I'm wondering if I should go down to the local diner and eat lunch. It might be dangerous on the highway if the asphalt starts getting sucked into a black hole.
Of course, if the world ends while I'm there, there's a cute little waitress down there that I wouldn't mind accompanying into oblivion. Just my luck, she would be off today.
I've been going inside and checking the TV for world-ending events, but nothing seems to be happening. You would think that there would at least be a run on the stock market just prior to the end of the world, but all seems calm.
Then again, two crashes in the past 11 years have pretty much sucked all the money from Wall Street. There's not much left for the black hole to get.
I just remembered that I am supposed to do television play-by-play at a high school basketball game tonight. I wonder if that has been postponed. After all, they call off school events for one flake of snow so you'd think they wouldn't want a gym full of people when the world ends.
I can see it now: a player shoots and the ball just keeps going upward into a black hole!
Something just occurred to me, when the black hole opens, what will be the order of those sucked in? Will the lawyers and politicians go first?
That might seem appropriate, but maybe not. If they were the first to go, the lawyers would all be waiting at the other end trying to sign up clients who would like to hold the black hole liable for property damage and the politicians would still be arguing over the fiscal cliff.
You know what? There might be two black holes, one going down for lawyers and politicians and one going up for regular people.