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Chocolate brick thrills the folks at music store

January 12, 2013 12:10 am



IT DOESN'T take much to get a bunch of retired Republicans excited.

When I stopped by the music store the other day to play a few verses of "Surfin' USA," the place was humming.

In fact, the smiles were so wide that at first I thought that President Obama had been impeached and I hadn't heard about it. So, being the only non-Republican in the building, I just kept silent until I found out what was going on.

I soon discovered that all the excitement wasn't about politics but rather chocolate.

Chocolate! Now there's a word that has gotten my attention since I was old enough to understand English. Apparently these guys also share my passion for this sweet treat.

"You've gotta eat a piece of this chocolate," one guy said. "You've never seen anything like this before."

Now I am pretty chocolate savvy, so I shrugged off the idea that I had missed something over the years. These guys assured me that I had.

"You know Dean? Well, he brought in this bar of Hershey's chocolate and it has got to weigh 10 pounds!" exclaimed another man. "You've got to see it. It is right here in the refrigerator."

Yes, they have a refrigerator in the music store--and a coffee maker. Selling guitars and fiddles is only a front. This place is really a hangout for anyone who has cashed a Social Security check and voted for George Bush.

I admitted that I had never seen a 10-pound bar of Hershey's chocolate. Now I probably eat 10 pounds of Hershey bars in any given year and maybe that weight in Hershey's Kisses, but never had I seen a 10-pound hunk of chocolate.

So, when one of the guys opened the refrigerator and pulled out the source of excitement, I was truly amazed. There in front of me was a chocolate lover's dream. This block had to be 3 inches thick, 12 inches wide and 15 inches long. And it had to have weighed 10 pounds.

"Chop yourself off a hunk," someone urged. "It is going to take a lot of people to eat this."

A lot of people? Hey! I could finish that thing off between supper and bedtime. These guys were underestimating my taste for Hershey's chocolate.

Then suddenly I stopped and took another look at the chocolate bar. This thing wasn't long like a regular Hershey Bar, but rather much shorter and thicker. It didn't look like Hershey Bar, it looked like like a giant Ex-Lax bar.

Oh, no! I'm not falling for that practical joke again! Once, when I was about 12 years old, a buddy gave me this small piece of chocolate on the way to school. That turned out to be a laxative and I spent a most interesting day in class.

"No, it is really Hershey's chocolate," someone assured me. "Look here! It has 'Hershey's' written in the chocolate, just like in the candy bar."

He was right. The letters were imprinted in the chocolate. But still I was hesitant. Someone could have made up a giant Ex-Lax bar and imprinted the Hershey's logo on the top. I wasn't sure I could trust these crazy old Bush fans.

But in the end, my love of chocolate overcame my fear of Republicans and, using a long butcher knife and a hammer (they have all those tools at the music store, too), I chopped off a chunk of that cold chocolate, wrapped it in a swaddling paper towel and took it home.

I guess it is the real thing. It certainly tastes like the real thing. Besides, I've been eating it for two days now with no ill effects.

A hunk of Hershey's chocolate the size of four gold bricks! Will wonders never cease? No wonder the guys down at the music store were all excited.

Of course, if this does turn out to be a giant Ex-Lax with delayed action, somebody is going to be in for it!

You gotta watch those old retired Republicans!

Donnie Johnston:

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