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Museum idea is too good to ditch
This idea is too good to ditch

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iSTOCKPHOTO
Visit the Photo Place
Date published: 1/26/2013

I'M SEEKING funding for a new museum I'm hoping to build.

I'm ready to contact my congressman, senators and state legislators to see how much of that free government money they can round up in Richmond and Washington. You know, just attach a couple of million to some farm bill to get me going.

Why, even the county Board of Supervisors might want to appropriate $50,000 or so because this museum would be great for economic development and bring tourists to town by the droves.

What kind of museum am I hoping to start? Why, a Roadside Ditch Museum.

Hey! I can hear the chuckling out there: "A Roadside Ditch Museum? Has Old Donnie gone completely off his rocker?"

You bet your booties he hasn't! This is a crackerjack idea! Roadside ditches are very important aspects of Americana. What would we do without them?

Besides, they've come up with every other kind of museum under the sun. This is about the only thing left, and I want to move forward with the idea before somebody else snaps it up.

I can hear potential donors asking now: Does Donnie even know anything about roadside ditches?

Listen, I don't just sit here pecking on a computer keyboard all day. I get around! I drive down the highway every day and I always pay attention to what is in the ditches.

Growing up poor, I walked the highways and byways picking up pop bottles to cash in at my Aunt Dora's store. Later in life, I picked up dead possums to skin and beer cans to sell as recyclable aluminum.

So, yes, all you skeptics, while I've never fallen into the gutter, I do know roadside ditches.

During my sojourns along the highways, I found everything from beer bottles to bed mattresses in ditches.

I've seen shoes and socks--indeed, almost every manner of clothing--lying in ditches. A couple of times, those clothes had a drunk attached to them.

Why, once I even found a refrigerator that had been tossed by the highway.

Now this is not something that just popped into my head. I've been considering this Roadside Ditch Museum idea for some time. In fact, I've even worked out a plan for its construction.

The museum will be an oval-shaped depression--perhaps 100 yards around--and will attempt to replicate a roadside ditch in every manner possible.


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