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Museum idea is too good to ditch page 2
This idea is too good to ditch

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iSTOCKPHOTO
Visit the Photo Place
Date published: 1/26/2013

continued

In fact, visitors will tour the museum right down there in the ditch, walking around and over the old newspaper pages, beer cans, mud and cigarette butts.

To the left will be a replica of a small, paved country highway with roadkill depicting all manner of animal life inhabiting the area (that should get me a financial contribution from animal activist groups) placed strategically along the gravel.

I can see it now, a deer carcass with a couple of buzzards perched on it lying just a few yards from a flattened polecat--complete with smell. (We want to make this authentic, right?)

On the other side will be a high road bank with blackberry bushes draping over, wild grapevines hanging down and persimmon sprouts starting to grow.

Occasionally a black snake will slither down into that ditch from the bank to add a little excitement to the tour.

But the real fun will begin with the rumble of thunder at the other end of the museum. Moments later, rain will wash down to remind visitors the real purpose of a roadside ditch (some believe it is just a receptacle for trash). It will almost be like the flume ride at Busch Gardens.

My plan is to make this Roadside Ditch Museum so authentic that tourists will walk away with a clear understanding of what it means be in the gutter.

But to do this I am going to need the help of the people and the government. Museums don't get built without money. Stop sending your dollars to those TV preachers and use those greenbacks to help fund a project that truly represents America.

To attract contributors, I'm going to make sure that everything in this museum--from the flattened polecats to the hand-squashed beer cans--is American-made. Even the exhaust fumes from foreign cars will be rejected.

This museum project will be purely nonprofit, of course, although there will be a $10 entrance fee and I propose to receive a six-figure annual salary for running it. But that's pretty standard stuff.

So let's all get behind this idea and push this Roadside Ditch Museum project. It may be your last opportunity to help start a museum.

Donnie Johnston:
Email: djohnston@freelancestar.com


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